Christmas in October Reminders
“Just make it go away.”
This was my deepest hope that first holiday as a newly divorced woman.
My body literally ached for the weight of the holiday season to be lifted from me. Holidays and traditions that once felt so comforting and sentimental now felt charged and potentially damaging to my already fragile soul.
I slopped through the end of the year from Thanksgiving through December fixated on how to make time pass until January came to relieve me of the discomfort.
It was dark and pretty hopeless, and I know you relate.
When I reflect back on that crushingly lonely, fearful, anxious, and powerless time, I have one really important observation about how I handled it.
I didn't create anything with my holiday.
I didn’t feel like I could. There were too many moving pieces, too many disruption of tradition, and too many unfamiliar ways of doing it coming at me. It didn’t look the way it “should” and so why should I bother? It felt easier to have it happen to me than to try to do anything about it.
And here’s the truth - it really is ok to bury your head in your duvet and beg time to pass more quickly over these next few months.
You can choose that path. I certainly did.
BUT…
For those of you who wonder if it might look different, I want to give you a little fall inspiration. I want you to have something to work with and work on as you enter these potentially dreadful days. Here are my three holiday reminders for you to start working on in October:
Take each upcoming holiday through January and reflect on specifically what you enjoy and want to preserve about it. Yes, you’ve lost a lot of traditions. Your kids have too. You will not get back what you lost. But what do you want to preserve? What is the essence of the holiday experience that you value? It is a gathering of people? A quiet reflection on what the holiday means? A chance to slow down? Blankets and popcorn? Candles and movies? While everything seems lost to divorce, you do in fact get to put together a new thing that incorporates the essence of what you loved about the old thing. Start asking yourself what feels wonderful to think about including and preserving this year.
Plan your details early (now!) before the emotions of the holiday season overwhelm you. By the middle of October, shoot to have your holiday plans set through January. It feels like business because it is. You don’t want your high drama emotions leading the way as you make plans in December. Your thoughtful creative brain is not threatened in October. Take advantage of this lead time and get the plans laid out now.
The end of the calendar year presents an opportunity to chart progress. Your brain is expertly aware at how far you still have to go in moving on with this divorce recovery business. The gift you can give yourself is a regular reflection on how far you’ve come. In a daily or weekly way as you walk toward January, note for yourself what you have made it through this year, what you have contributed, what you have endured, and what you have learned. You’re getting somewhere, friend, don’t miss the chance to see it
Act on these three reminders, and you can fall into the holidays knowing you’ve battled the logistics long before the dread takes root.
Let’s be creators this year? I’ll be doing it right alongside you.
