Five Prompts To Get You Journaling Again About Your Divorce Struggles (And Why You Still Don’t Do It)
When I was in junior high school, my Language Arts teacher started every class with a five-minute free choice journaling time. There was never any prompt, and she didn’t really care what we wrote about. So, naturally, I wrote about what I was wearing, who was bugging me, and general nonsense to get the grade. It was a pointless assignment in my mind, and I gave it very little thought.
What I didn’t know at the time was that my teacher was trying to pull me and my fellow classmates of future adults into the art of reflective writing. She knew it wouldn’t generate novels for publishing, but she did know that it would give us tremendous input towards our self-development.
Journaling has been proven to do amazing things for our mental health. For those coping with divorce or divorce recovery, it absolutely needs to be your home base. Better than any attorney, financial advisor, or physical trainer you could hire, you need to put pen to paper and start realizing these vital benefits:
It will calm you.
Journaling calms down your reptilian brain, which is running like crazy feeling threatened and worried in all kinds of directions. Managing your brain during divorce is paramount for any mom trying to create a stable environment for her differently arranged family. As my Language Arts teacher said, you can write about absolutely anything. Meghan Hunter of the High Conflict Institute says even writing a grocery list pulls your mind back from a reactionary response to a reasoning response. Just the act of thinking makes us feel calmer.
Journaling prompt to try: What divorce recovery issue is standing on tiptoe in my brain today and waving its hand for attention?
It will give you perspective.
Writing about our condition helps us get distance from it. It slows us down and gives us a new vantage point from which to consider next steps. It diffuses the emotional bomb inside your head and can often provide clarity in complicated situations.
Journaling prompt to try: If I had to come up with three different ways to inch this divorce related problem toward resolution, what would they be?
It is imaginative.
Journaling lets us experiment with a future self. Who we are now is not who we will be in one month, six months, or two years. If we write down a vision of who we want to be in those time frames, our minds will start working at how to imagine those personas into reality. We limit ourselves by believing that because our former partner won’t change, then our enjoyment of our lives can’t change either.
Journaling prompt to try: In six months, how do I look and feel differently than I do today around this divorce issue? What would I need to do to start in that direction today?
It is part of a holistic health plan.
Yes, you need to try yoga, taking a walk, getting a massage, and really tuning into your body. But remember that coping is also one part mental. Your mental game needs equal air time to your body. Full spectrum coping touches on all areas of your wellbeing, and your thought patterns are an important piece of the pie.
Journaling prompt to try: In what ways does my thinking about my divorce undermine my bigger goals right now?
It gets you to the real issue.
You won’t get to the root of your issues without some intentional reflection. The issue you toss around in your brain is rarely the issue that you need to solve. Often it’s a deeper communication pattern you’ve developed, a trigger for which you haven’t constructed a game plan yet, or a new posture you need to adopt. You get to the root of your issues more quickly when you put them into writing.
Journaling prompt to try: I’m struggling with ____, but what’s really missing in my divorce struggle? How can I shift my thinking to get to the root of why this always comes up?
Journaling could profoundly redirect the way you’re handling your divorce recovery. You know this, and yet you still haven’t committed to the practice. Why not? You skip it, because you think it’s easier to just forget about the struggles or just plow through them. The Netflix, the glass of wine, the call to a friend, or just going to bed seem easier. They are easier. But only in the short term. Unfortunately as a long-term game plan, they won’t get you closer to the relief you most want. I have never heard someone say, “I so regret journaling today”, but often hear from my clients that they can’t stand another day of reacting to the same issues in the same way over and over. Give journaling a try again, and see what new insights lead to new ways of living.
