Top 3 Tips for How to Manage Your Divorce Attorney
As a divorce coach, I often hear complaints about divorce attorneys:
My attorney did not explain that to me.
I thought my attorney would handle that.
My attorney didn’t fight for me.
My attorney is clueless.
I can’t get a response from my attorney.
If you have not uttered these complaints about your attorney, you surely have heard someone who has. Disappointment around legal representation at some point in your divorce feels inevitable, but please know that it is largely avoidable.
Here are the top three questions you should be asking EVERY time you are in contact with your attorney:
What is our strategy here?
If you don’t know their strategy, ask about it. If you knew it before, repeat it and see if it has changed. Your attorney has a strategy. Just because you don’t know their strategy does not mean it does not exist. When you know your attorney’s strategy, you get the chance to agree, disagree, or ask questions. Often strategy can get lost when you are handling the details of your settlement. Checking in on it can help you to calm down and know that your case is on track.
What happens next after what happens next? And if that does not happen, what happens next?
Not knowing what is going on and what could go on is a source of major anxiety for people moving through divorce. By asking what the next several steps are, you set yourself up to better understand the inevitable delay or change of course. Divorce is rarely linear and often your soon to be former partner will not meet deadlines or expectations. Knowing what can and cannot happen in those situations keeps you calmer in the process.
My idea is (X), and I want to understand what will keep me from getting that.
It’s simple to you. Maybe you are the better parent and you want more custody. Maybe your former partner is lazy and needs to go to work. Maybe your bank account has been drained by your former partner and you just want the money back. Unfortunately, it’s never that simple in divorce. Timelines, deferrals, formulas, the law, precedent, your judge, and your county norms all play a bigger factor in your divorce outcomes than your impression of what is fair or easy. Roadtest your proposals with your attorney to see what you’re missing. Even if the answer is frustrating, it’s better to have a realistic expectation than to sit and wonder why your attorney isn’t doing what to you seems obvious.
Keep these three questions on your phone so you remember to check in on them reguarly.
