10 Things to Expect From a Narcissist in Divorce
To divorce a narcissist, you’ve got to get more prepared than the average person. Narcissists demand attention, power, special treatment, and excessive admiration. They use people, lack empathy, and take offense at the smallest of remarks. They react impulsively on the regular, and their inconsistencies will get you running in any direction just to escape. It will feel like you are navigating a minefield blindfolded, but knowing what to expect and disconnecting can be your secret weapon. So, let’s dive into my 10 not-so-surprising surprises your narcissistic former partner might have in store for you.
1. Narcissists in Divorce have no Empathy
Remember those heart-to-hearts and the emotional connection you enjoyed at one time? Those are likely over. Expect zero emotional understanding or validation. Their pain reigns supreme, and yours? Well, that's just collateral damage in their quest for self-preservation.
2. Narcissists Need to Feel Special in Divorce
Brace yourself for a never-ending parade of "me, me, me." They'll rewrite history to be the hero, the victim, and the one who is doing it all right while you ruin it. Remember, to them the divorce is all your fault, and they deserve a standing ovation for putting up with you. Their need to feel special is made even more damaging by their need to make sure you do not feel special.
3. They Will Not Feel Remorse
Remorse? What remorse? Don't hold your breath for an apology. They're incapable of genuine regret, especially if it means admitting a flaw. Get ready for justifications, blame-shifting, and a healthy dose of "you made me do it."
4. They Will Manipulate You
They will use guilt trips, emotional blackmail, and even threats to get what they want. Remember, it's all about control, and they want all of it. Insults, provocations, and withholding all come with the territory.
5. Narcissists Will Love Bomb, Devalue, Discard - Repeat.
This toxic cycle will be their go-to move. One minute they're showering you with fake affection, the next they're tearing you down. After that, they throw you away as though your relationship never meant anything. My clients are often surprised at how accurately this abusive cycle plays out.
6. They Will Not Offer Closure
Narcissists thrive on drama and chaos. Closure would mean admitting defeat, it would generate from empathy, and that is simply not happening. Expect lingering loose ends, unresolved issues, and the occasional emotional grenade lobbed your way.
7. Narcissists Will Not Use Reason
Forget about calm, rational discussions. They will operate on emotions, fueled by their own narrative and agenda. Prepare for circular arguments, emotional outbursts, and the ever-present "but I deserve..." card. To reason with someone, they need to be regulated. Regulation is not in the narcissist toolbox.
8. They Will Not Take Responsibility
They'll dodge blame in the most creative ways. Expect them to project their shortcomings onto you, making you the villain of the story and leaving you carrying the weight of the entire relationship's failures. They cannot and will not see their contribution to the demise of your marriage no matter how well you spell it out for them.
9. They Will Lie and Accuse You
Get ready for a masterclass in character assassination. They will twist the truth, spread rumors, and unleash verbal grenades designed to tear you down and damage your reputation. Yelling is a favorite communication strategy.
10. They Will Exhaust You
Your narcissist will drag you through the mud, hoping to wear you down until you give in. Engaging in their circular arguments, uselessly attempting to prove yourself against their lies, and living in constant fear of what they will do next is part of life in divorce with narcisssists.
If you feel overwhelmed by this list, be gentle with yourself. Although the road ahead is challenging, with the right support, you can set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and create all new communication patterns that protect yourself. Hop on a complimentary call here, and we can discuss my Narcissist Toolbox sessions that will get you in a solid space to manage your narcissist better.
About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
