I Want a Divorce - Now What?
“I want to divorce my husband, but I don’t know what to do next.” When you finally decide that you want a divorce, it is usually the culmination of months and years of processing. You’ve stressed over so much of the relationship — trying to revive it, getting honest with yourself, worrying about your future, and coming to terms with your inability to stay. Despite all of the energy that goes into making the decision to divorce, you are often still left with the question, “Now what?” Let me help you explore the first few steps that follow that question.
I Want a Divorce is Not What You Say next
While your clarity may feel incredible, you should not move immediately into telling your partner you want a divorce. Why? You’re not ready. You not only do not have a script for that life-changing moment, you also do not have a legal or financial plan. Without those three things, you are not ready for an announcement. Feel the relief that you have made a decision, but take the time necessary to prepare yourself for what lies ahead. At this point you are ready to know, but you are not ready to act.
Ways of Parting When You Want A Divorce
Divorce comes in various forms, and choosing the right approach is crucial for success. You’ll need to look into options — mediation, attorney represented litigated divorce, collaborative, and possibly even DIY. The cost, timing, emotional investment, sense of protection, and sense of control vary in each of these options. The preference is personal and should be driven by your values, your budget, and your comfort level. Meet with a mediator. Meet with an attorney. Meet with a collaborative team. Bring your unique concerns to them and get their opinion not only on why their method would be a great choice, but also what concerns they have about your case.
Assess the Financial Impact
As a divorce coach, I can tell you that many people do not thoroughly explore the financial impacts of their divorce before they charge ahead. Some people do not dive into it because of fear, some because of limited access, and some because they think their attorney or mediator will take care of them. You need to take care of you. You need to understand your financial picture so that you can choose a divorce option that fits your budget. You need to start forecasting what it looks like to live life alone in a year and what dollars need to be available to make that picture work.
You’ll start by gathering financial information to get a comprehensive overview of your financial situation, including assets, debts, income, and expenses. You may want to seek guidance from financial advisors or accountants to understand tax implications, evaluate long-term financial goals, and plan for asset division. Develop a post-divorce budget to ensure financial stability. Consider factors such as housing, childcare, and any changes in income. Finally, explore spousal and child support to understand both the potential and limits for alimony or child support payments, either as a payor or recipient, and factor these into your financial planning.
These are the bare minimum basics to start working with as you look at the next steps to take after deciding you want a divorce. By reflecting, exploring divorce options, and understanding the financial impact, you're baseline equipping yourself with the tools to navigate this process with intention and empowerment. I can help you prepare for divorce and create a future aligned with your aspirations. Book a complimentary call here.
About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
