How a High Conflict Divorce Coach Helps You Manage Your Divorce
High conflict divorces are, well, awful. I get a front row seat to these separations, and I have witnessed the full range of shockingly bad behavior doled out by some spouses. My clients have endured expletive filled rants, received blame for every part of the relationship, experienced the exhaustion of one-sided and futile conversations, and been tormented by non-stop manipulation.
High conflict divorce coaches now find themselves in greater demand as researchers estimate that roughly 20% of divorcing couples are embroiled in a high conflict relationship. High conflict divorces can involve two parties where both are generating the fights; however, it is more common that only one member of the couple is high conflict. This spouse makes the divorce journey tumultuous for the other spouse and ensures that life after divorce is quite complicated as well. Luckily, a high conflict divorce coach can help you navigate this terror-filled path with greater confidence by focusing on the following five-part game plan.
Understanding the Mind and Methods of High Conflict People
One of the first steps in effectively managing a high-conflict divorce is understanding the mindset and tactics employed by high conflict people. These personalities often thrive on chaos, manipulation, and power struggles. As your divorce coach, I delve into the intricacies of high conflict behaviors, their origins for your spouse, and their permanence as you walk the road ahead.
Self-Assessments: Unveiling People-Pleasing and Avoidant Behaviors
In the midst of a high-conflict marriage and divorce, it's common for targeted spouses to fall into patterns of people-pleasing or avoidance as coping mechanisms. Through targeted self-assessments, I’ll work with you to unveil these behaviors, allowing you to regain control over your actions and decisions. Identifying and addressing these tendencies is a crucial step toward establishing healthier boundaries and fostering personal empowerment.
Teaching Conflict Management Skills
Effective conflict management is a cornerstone of successfully navigating a high-conflict divorce. I act as your guide, imparting practical skills to help you diffuse tense situations, communicate assertively, and negotiate with confidence. By mastering conflict resolution techniques, you regain control over your interactions, and step out of the fury that often accompanies high conflict interactions.
Reflecting the Truth: Breaking Free from Normalized Abuse
High conflict divorces often involve emotional and psychological abuse that can become normalized over time. As your divorce coach, my role is to reflect back to you the truth of your situation, providing a fresh perspective on what may have been accepted as the status quo. This newfound clarity is a crucial step toward your ability to break free from the cycle of abuse and rebuild a life based on your true values and aspirations.
Practicing Disengagement: Protecting Yourself
In the chaos of a high-conflict divorce, learning to disengage strategically is a powerful tool. Together, we'll explore techniques to detach emotionally from unnecessary conflicts, allowing you to focus on what truly matters. By reclaiming your peace of mind, you regain control over your emotional well-being and can make decisions from a place of strength and clarity.
Without the guardrails that you must learn to put in place, high conflict people will have their way with you for a very long time. Building up your ease with more boundaried responses and getting truly disengaged is the secret sauce to a future that you can enjoy. By understanding the mind and methods of high conflict individuals, addressing people-pleasing and avoidant behaviors, acquiring conflict management skills, reflecting on the truth of your situation, and practicing disengagement, you can emerge from your divorce not just intact but stronger, wiser, and committed to stop abandoning yourself.
If you’re tired of always bending to your high conflict spouse, I’d love to hear about it. Book a complimentary call here.
About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
