How Long Will My Divorce Take? - Part 2
How long your divorce will take is largely influenced by six major factors. The first three factors — your divorce type, financial complexity, and spouse’s personality — were covered in my Part 1 blog post and can aid in predicting the duration of your divorce process. Now we can cover the last three remaining factors that impact the timing for you.
The Length of Your Divorce Depends your Parenting Time Arrangments
Custody norms play out differently from state to state. In certain states 50/50 custody is the standard for parenting time division, and it can be incredibly difficult to change that amount. In other states, the norm can be every other weekend and a mid-week visit. Check in with your mediator or attorney as to what the state (and even county) norms are in your area so that you can start with realistic expectations. Your divorce will take longer if you seek an arrangement that is different from the norm. This does not mean you should not pursue a less normative option; it simply influences the length of time for negotiations. Click here for more about what your kids need in divorce.
Your Ability to Focus on The Big Picture Affects How Long Your Divorce Takes
Divorces take longer when the big picture gets lost. You should understand all of the details of your divorce, but it is also important to prioritize the essential aspects of your divorce settlement rather than getting bogged down by trivial matters. The $100 chair is irrelevant in a $2,000,000 estate. You will need to occasionally let things go in service of finishing the process in a timely manner. Focusing on the bigger picture may also mean needing to tell yourself that while this is not fair, it does move us closer to closure.
The Duration of Your Divorce is Impacted by Letting Go of The Idea of Fair
Fair in divorce is not usually possible.
This is a statement that bothers people as they move through divorce. My alternate advice? Look for acceptable. It’s not fair that your partner treats you poorly, and it is not fair that they will walk away with their earning power. It’s not fair that they don’t pay enough spousal support, and it’s not fair that you put in so much and aren’t recognized for it fully. Fair is not possible, because parts of divorce simply are not fair. The timeline of your divorce stretches out when fair becomes an obsession, and the emotional toll of prolonged disputes are better exchanged for the benefits of aiming for an acceptable resolution.
The timing of your divorce is completely unique to your situation and your partner, but by understanding custody implications, focusing on the significant aspects of your settlement, and embracing an acceptable resolution, you can certainly contribute to shortened timelines and the freedom to move forward.
If you’re looking for a better sense of your divorce timeline, let’s talk. Book a complimentary call here.
About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
