I’m So Done with That

When I was in my young 20's, I was married, living in a ranch style home in a Midwestern suburb, working a 9 to 5 job, and a little bit dying inside.

I felt I was too young to be that settled. I was missing out on something, but I wasn't sure what it was.

So one night I took all of my big granny panty underwear briefs, strung them together with packing tape, and taped them to my garage door with a sign that said something like, “I'm done being too old too soon."

It was my big announcement to myself and to my husband (and unfortunately, apparently, to our neighborhood) that I needed both a decisive break from what was and a giant step toward what could be.

My husband came home and laughingly read it, and that night we started dreaming about living in a different place and having the adventures we both felt we had somehow postponed.

Sometimes in divorce we need big statements made in big ways about what we are done with.

Every divorcing person (and even those still recovering from divorce) hits an “I'm done” moment. Let yourself have one. Remember - you don't need to know what comes next. You just need to say loudly what you're done with.

I recently collected the “I'm done” moments from all of you. Here’s a few that caught my attention:

I’m done with the silent treatment.

I’m done living my life according to what he and others think I should do.

I’m done with the name calling.

I’m done being afraid to speak my truth, and I’m done living in fear.

I’m done putting others needs above my own. 

I’m done with “you’re the problem.”

I’m done with the control.

I’m done talking to him beyond what is necessary.

I’m done with the rejection.

I’m done pretending, hurting, trying, allowing. 

I’m done with the resentment.

I’m done feeling the loss of something that was never there.

I’m done with the “you” statements.

I’m done trying to fix what I can’t.

I’m done trying to earn love.

I’m done trying to prevent natural consequences for another human.

I’m done with the blame game.

I’m done with the conflicts.

I’m done holding everyone together.

I’m done creating entertainment for everyone.

I’m done needing to always be the adult. 

I’m done being angry over his immaturity.

I’m done caring what he thinks about me.

I’m done with the anger.

I’m done doing almost all the work in the relationship.

I know you read that list and found a few that you agreed with. Just remember, you’re not alone in wanting to really be done with certain things.

So what now?

Now the question becomes:

The person who is done with all of this…how does that person live differently today? If you were truly done with it, what would that mean you change effective immediately?

Your answer to that question is “the work” for you for today.