The One Practice that Will Get You Unstuck in your Divorce Recovery
Divorce recovery is an up and down and down and up again process. You can feel on top of it and wildly successful one moment and groaning that there is no hope the next. You can feel lost and in control in the timespan of one hour, and it’s easy for your hard-fought healing and progress to get off track.
Let’s talk about the most important practice you need to get unstuck in divorce recovery.
It’s gratitude.
Gratitude as a word gets overused and undervalued. It’s a throwaway kind of “yeah yeah I’m thankful” sentiment that can be shallow and lack meaning. However, if you harness it well and with intention, it can deepen your experience of life (even in its post-divorce and maybe less-than-lovely state).
How do you take gratitude to the next level and really benefit from its impact? Find some time to really give gratitude a chance to do its work in you. Get out a journal and make a list with the following topics: Family, Friends, Mission or Purpose, Career, Money, Emotional Health, Physical Health, Spiritual Health, Home, Fun, Self-growth, and My Co-Parent.
In each topic, ask yourself thoughtfully, what am I genuinely thankful for in this area of my life? No matter how dark, unsettling, and profoundly painful these areas may feel, there is a shred of gratitude that is hidden in each one. Some examples to get you started:
Family – I’m so grateful for how my kids are coping, how my parents have tried to express support, or how I’ve leaned on my sisters.
Friends – I’m grateful for ____ and how she makes sure we connect each week, for ____ and how she listens to me rant, and for ____ and how we’ve connected on our shared divorce stories.
Mission or Purpose – I’m grateful that even though I’m scared, I’m taking the time to figure out my purpose post-divorce, that I’m remembering all of the skills I’ve developed over the years, or that I’m exploring new places of purpose.
Career – I’m grateful I’ve developed a good career, that I’m connecting with opportunities to start a new career, or that I’m pleased with the career of mothering that I enjoy.
Money – I’m grateful that I’m figuring out what financial comfort will look like for me, that I’ve got these people on my side helping me run numbers, or that I’m scared to death about money and able to confide in ____.
Emotional Health – I’m grateful that I’m not bottling up any part of this experience, that I’m a mess but I’m growing in the right direction, or that I’m learning ways to figure out how to hold the giant storm of divorce emotion that I face.
Physical Health – I’m grateful that I’m healthy in these ways, that although these parts of my health are a struggle – these parts are strong, or that I’ve got a plan for how to improve my health.
Spiritual Health – I’m grateful I’m not alone, that my faith is inspiring me, or that I’m wrestling with faith and I value that process.
Home – I’m grateful I have a place to live, that my address is changing and I can imagine life emerging in a new location, or that I’m grieving my loss of home and I’m grateful I can be honest with myself about the struggle.
Fun – I’m grateful that I can laugh at ___, that I get out and have fun doing ____, or that I’m aware I’m not having much fun and I need to make some plans to change that.
Self-growth – I’m grateful that although torturous, I’m growing, I’m becoming something better than I thought I could be, or that I’m stuck and know that the next wave of growth will be coming.
My Co-Parent – I’m grateful that support is paid regularly, I’m grateful for when my co-parent steps in well as a parent, or that I’m able to keep myself strong when their choices make co-parenting hard for me.
Gratitude is not always right in front of us. And it rarely moves us when we just list off “family, friends, and home” off the tops of our heads. We need to invite the deeper levels of gratitude so that we can experience not only the gift of getting unstuck, but also give ourselves the reminder that we have so very much to build on. I’m grateful that you’re willing to try new things. Blessings on your journey!
