Divorce and the Holidays: Some Reminders for Your Heart

As this festive season hits it peak, let’s get real:

This probably isn't the way you envisioned your holidays.

And guess what? That's absolutely okay. It’s more than okay, actually; it's a part of what it means to move through and on from divorce.

Here are some insights I've gathered that might help ease the weight of these sometimes seasonally difficult moments:

1. Envying Others Hurts You

Feeling a tad envious of those picture-perfect holiday scenes your friends seem to effortlessly create? It’s alright to feel that twinge, but remember, you're only seeing a snapshot. You don’t know the struggles behind their seemingly perfect facade. Comparing your situation to someone else’s highlight reel isn’t fair to yourself. Every family has dark corners and longings that do not get shared with the viewing public.

Practice saying to yourself, “I am getting used to my differently shaped family this year.”

2. Nuclear Families are Rare

The nuclear family often takes center stage during the holidays, but guess what? Recent census data shows that the traditional family structure isn’t the majority anymore. You're not alone in this journey. There are more people like you, navigating through the holidays in what they feel are abnormal ways. While you feel like the outlier, you are not.

Practice saying to yourself, “Everyone is figuring out the holidays with their own challenges, including me.”

3. It Gets Easier with Time

If this is your first holiday season post-divorce, it’s normal for it to feel incredibly foreign and challenging. Every tradition or its absence might remind you of what used to be. But here's the hopeful part: with each passing year, it gets a little easier. Your first year is the hardest, and then you grow, you learn, and you carve out a new path each year after that.

Practice saying, “This holiday season this year is an experiment, and I won’t pressure myself try to feel too settled in to it quite yet.”

You get to pick the story you tell yourself about the holiday. The way you choose to tell it has the power to wreck you or support you. Please be kind to yourself as you transition and choose carefully.