The Word You Need to Stop Using in Your Divorce
There are certain words that bother me in the English language, and I know I am not alone.
Does anyone else hate the word “moist”? It’s so gross, and I don’t even have a reason for my aversion. Can it just be a brownie? Not a moist brownie?
I’ve got another word that I can’t stand, and it is one that gets way overused in divorce.
It’s a tiny little word, and yet it packs significant meaning.
Here is the word I can’t stand: LET’S.
This is how I see it used over and over again in divorce:
Let’s be amicable.
Let’s do what is best for the kids.
Let’s be fair.
Let’s be reasonable.
Let’s do better.
You probably say it a lot, too, and I want you to start paying attention when you hear yourself saying it.
Let’s is a contraction that means, simply, let us.
Let’s is a suggestion about what two people should do. It is an invitation. When you use the word “let’s”, you presume the “us” in the “let us” cares what you have to say, trusts your perspective, and wants to hear your ideas.
And yet, in divorce, your partner or soon to be former partner often isn’t that interested in what you have to say, what your perspective is, or what your idea is. More often, their response is more like “let’s not”.
I’m sympathetic to the use of this word, because you spent your marriage attempting to create a sense of togetherness that was predicated on the idea of us. You said things like “let’s go here on Friday, let’s remodel, let’s get a dog, let’s see if the kids want to go”. Let us be an “us” and do “us things” together.
Unfortunately, you cannot slide into divorce with the same “let’s” approach that may have worked while married.
So what do you do instead?
Try out these entry phrases that drop the “let’s” and help you own your own perspective:
From my perspective…
I’d like to try…
My understanding is…
I’m going to experiment with this…
It’s important to me that I…
I’m aware that no steps are being taken here, I’m considering this…
I’m wondering about this…
“Let’s” is a relic word from a relationship you no longer get to rely upon.
It is not selfish to start using words like “I, me, and mine” and phrases like “my perspective, my take, or I’m wondering”. That solitary language better represents what you are actually figuring out how to do, which is to have a belief about your life or your family that may not line up with your soon to be former partner’s beliefs. This tension is normal, it is important, and your ability to own your own understanding is a key piece to taking both your first and your last steps in the divorce process.
Questions? Let’s chat.
