What Is a High Conflict Divorce?
High conflict divorces add an extra layer of complexity to the already challenging process of divorce. While all divorces involve some level of conflict, understanding the territory of a high conflict divorce is critical if you suspect you are in one or entering one. Here we will cover the dynamics, unique characteristics, and challenges associated with navigating high-conflict divorces.
High Conflict Divorce Defined
A high-conflict divorce is not merely characterized by disagreements; it's a distinct category marked by intense, ongoing conflict between the separating parties. In these cases, communication breakdowns, emotional turbulence, and a heightened level of animosity can impede the divorce process. The origins of conflict may vary, ranging from issues of custody and visitation to financial disputes or unresolved emotional tensions. A high conflict divorce may also be present due to unaddressed mental health issues that keep one or both parties using all-or-nothing thinking, experiencing unmanaged emotions, delivering on extreme behaviors or threats, and blaming the other person for all of the relational problems.
Key Characteristics of High Conflict Divorce
Continuous Hostility: One defining feature is the persistent hostility between the divorcing parties. Communication is often strained, with interactions escalating into confrontations, making it challenging to reach amicable resolutions.
Emotional Intensity: High-conflict divorces are fraught with emotional intensity. One or both parties may experience heightened levels of anger, resentment, and a deep-seated desire to 'win' at the expense of the other.
Difficulty in Co-Parenting: Co-parenting becomes a significant challenge in high-conflict divorces. Disputes over custody arrangements, parenting decisions, and visitation schedules can perpetuate the conflict, impacting the well-being of the children involved.
Frequent Legal Battles: Legal proceedings become a battleground in high-conflict divorces. One or both parties may engage in frequent litigation, using the legal system as a means to assert control or retaliate against the other.
Navigating the Challenges
Recognize the Limits: If you are divorcing a high conflict person and find yourself in a high conflict divorce, you will not get to the end peacefully. In your efforts to introduce logic, you will get more frustrated. You will need to learn to understand and work within the limits of your former partner.
Communication Strategies: Establishing entirely different effective communication channels is crucial. Consider utilizing alternative methods, such as the Our Family Wizard application, to create distance in your communication patterns.
Emotional Regulation: Focus on regulating your own emotions to avoid contributing to the conflict. Seek support from a divorce coach who can provide coping strategies during challenging moments as well as streamline the process, minimize conflict, and prioritize the well-being of all involved.
The Road to Resolution
While high-conflict divorces present unique challenges, one of the hardest can be to understand that traditional forms of resolution are out of reach. This can be disheartening and create ongoing emotional spirals for the healthier member of the couple. Learning to protect yourself and adopting new and distancing communication patterns is critical for survival.
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About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
