What Are The Emotional Stages of Divorce?
The emotional stages of divorce are often overlooked as the legal process takes center stage. It is interesting, though, because anyone who has moved through divorce will tell you that the emotional experience of divorce is often the biggest surprise of the whole process. Below are the outlines of the emotional stages that I witness most of my clients go through.
The First Emotional Stage of Divorce is Reluctance
The divorce journey often begins with reluctance – whether you are initiating the divorce or receiving it. There is usually an inner struggle against the inevitability of change, even when you are aware that it might be for the best. This stage is marked by a tug-of-war between the desire to cling to familiarity and the slightest chance of saving the marriage along with the acknowledgment that a shift is necessary. It's okay to feel hesitant; change, especially in relationships, is hard to handle.
Confusion Leads the second emotional stage of divorce
As you choose to move forward with divorce, confusion sets in, turning the path into a maze of options and legalities. Whether choosing mediation or legal representation, navigating the process can be daunting. Questions arise, uncertainties loom, and the sheer complexity of legal procedures can be overwhelming. In this stage, seeking guidance becomes a beacon through the legal maze. You’re not quite sure what is happening and at times it is hard to trust that you are doing it well.
Financial Fear Creeps In
The third stage brings with it a tidal wave of financial fear. The prospect of dividing assets, managing debts, and establishing financial independence can induce anxiety. It's natural to feel apprehensive about your economic landscape post-divorce. This stage calls for financial planning, seeking advice, and acknowledging that stability is a gradual process. You’ll sit with a lot of questions and unknowns — will I pay spousal support, will I receive it, will I need to work more hours, or will I defer retirement — and you’ll need to reality test numerous financial plans as you look to your future.
Fatigue
This is the emotional stage no one anticipates. Amidst the process, fatigue sets in, fueled by the prolonged journey and the multitude of decisions. From custody arrangements to asset division, the weight of constant decision-making can be draining. It's crucial to recognize the toll it takes on your mental and emotional well-being, and to fortify yourself for the long haul. You’re just so DONE emotionally in this stage, and feel somewhat powerless to get the situation toward closure faster.
Future Making
As your divorce process draws to a close, a transformative stage emerges – future making. With the process soon to be behind you, a sense of independence begins to shine. This stage is about reclaiming your narrative, rediscovering personal aspirations, and envisioning a future that aligns with your newfound sense of self. It sounds soaring, but it can also be a time of sadness as you start to live into some of the unexpected realities of life post-divorce.
As you are moving through these emotional stages of divorce, your secret sauce is acknowledging where you are and getting support to confront the confusion, fear, fatigue, and unknowns. Ultimately, this emotional odyssey will likely emerge as a testament to your resilience. I am here to guide you through each stage, offering support, understanding, and encouragement. Want support through the stages? Book a complimentary call here.
About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
