How to Deal with Divorce Anger
Divorce anger directed toward your former parnter can be a fire that burns incredibly hot as you move through divorce. It is not a permanent state of being, but anger will at some point flare during your divorce process and knowing how to attend to it matters. In this blog post, we'll explore practical strategies to deal with your divorce anger, turning it into a catalyst for personal growth and positive change.
Divorce Anger Shows You What You Value
Anger, though often viewed as a negative emotion, can be a powerful indicator of what you value deeply. It's a compass pointing toward the areas of your life that matter most. I get angry when things take too long, because I value efficiency. I get angry when people do not tell the truth, because I value honesty. Take a moment to reflect on the source of your anger – is it rooted in a sense of injustice, betrayal, or a perceived threat to your values? Understanding this connection can provide clarity and guide you towards constructive action. When you can embrace anger as a messenger, revealing the aspects of your life that hold profound significance, it becomes a tool for self-discovery and aligning your actions with your core values.
Anger tells you what you value. Don’t snuff it out too quickly before you hear what it has to tell you.
You Need to Move Your Divorce Anger
Anger is an energy that needs an outlet. One effective way to channel this intense emotion is through physical activity. Whether it's going for a walk or run, hitting the gym, or practicing yoga, moving your body helps release built-up tension. Physical exercise not only serves as a healthy outlet for anger but also triggers the release of endorphins, promoting a sense of well-being and clarity. I remember intense runs during my own divorce that incinerated my anger into something more manageable. Engaging in physical activity and moving your body releases tension and promotes emotional balance.
If you do not move your body, you deprive yourself of the relief from the anger that you so deeply crave.
Regulate or Risk
In the heat of anger, the risk of making impulsive and regrettable decisions is high. It's crucial to regulate your emotional state, preventing anger from clouding your judgment. Practice mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, or journal to bring yourself back to a state of calm. Creating a pause between the trigger and your response allows space for rational decision-making, reducing the likelihood of actions driven solely by anger. Once you have listened to what your anger is telling you about your values, and after you have moved your body to process the anger, you can prioritize emotional regulation to prevent the escalation of anger into hasty decisions. Give yourself the gift of a pause, allowing for thoughtful responses instead of impulsive reactions.
I know that being angry can feel unpleasant and you’d like for it to go away. Don’t just hope for a different emotional state — use these tools to create one for yourself.
Anger is a natural part of the divorce process. As your divorce coach, I encourage you to view it not as a destructive force but as a transformative one. By embracing, channeling, and regulating your anger, you have the power to emerge from the flames stronger and wiser. Need help with your divorce emotions? Book a complimentary call here.
About the Author:
Hi, I’m Andrea, a divorce coach, author, and speaker. I’m the creator of the Divorce Differently with H.E.A.R.T. model, and I can work with you to create a healthier divorce and life (even when your partner is difficult). My clients walk through divorce with a better understanding of the process, clearer expectations, defined boundaries, and useful hacks to make this most unwanted situation doable. I can teach you how to do it too! Let’s talk.
